new blog site

I am no longer posting on this blog. Since I have written more on livejournal, I'm abandoning this blog. but I'm not deleting it maybe for future use and what not.

if ever someone saw this blog:


head on to http://ladyalta.livejournal.com and read my Arashi fanfics there!!


till then!

Attempt to Write (again)

I'm trying my best to write again. Because ever since February of this year (to think that I haven't written anything in here either) I've suddenly stopped writing. Even the two manuscripts I am writing (for publishing), I also stopped writing. To think that the stories are just written in one of my journals and all I have to do is write it on the computer, revise/tweak it a bit, well most of it (just as long as it reaches their standard which is at least ten chapters and 23,000-24,000 words all in all) before passing it to the famous Tagalog pocketbook company (Precious Hearts Romances). But now May is almost near yet I haven't even touched my journal for reference in one of my manuscript.

Sigh, even now it's hard for me to think on what to write on this blog. And it's freaking 7 lines! ... now what? I'm typing words but it seems not right. Keep on deleting them... I wish I would feel the urge to write again. I miss writing poems. Maybe I needed an inspiration? But I've had inspiration before (well that's after my... hmm I'm thinking of the right words to write... fiasco moment of my life (?)... maybe I'll settle with that) and it did not work. Maybe I ought to be in love to be able to write my feelings again. Because when I was in love, I have written quite a lot of poems about my feelings. But I'm still enjoying the feeling of not being in love at this moment. Because I wanted to have time to love myself again before I fall in love again.

So when I find myself eager to write again the first thing I'll do is write on my manuscripts then maybe I'll write more on this blog in the future. This is it for now.

something i felt on this day

is this another reason for me to cry? but it's not supposed to be. and yet, it hurts, damn hurts. it cut my heart yet deep again and i couldn't control my tears. i just let it out? maybe i should or else i might burst. i just don't know where to hide, i couldn't cry in front of many people. maybe later i'll just let it out. it's just too much to take in, it hurts, damn hurts. if i try to sleep, i would end up wetting my pillow with tears. i just don't know how to deal with it yet again. i have just mended my broken heart recently and now it's cutting my heart again, tearing it into million pieces again. and it's going to be a long way to mend it again. why does have to be like this? unfair? no, it's just that i let myself go into insanity believing that fantasies could come true. i still haven't learned my lessons.i'm down and depressed, but what can i do? i'll just pour my heart out, pen in hand and paper to write on. i'm just always thankful that whenever i'm down and depressed, my trusted friend is always there waiting for me to get it and let myheart pour out all i feel every now and then, just like now. and now, it still hurts, damn hurts, cutting my heart deeper and deeper until i feel numb and it's like i couldn't cry anymore. no emotions felt, nowhere to go. it's like walking in the middle of the road with no direction, looking up at the sky, wishing...crying...praying that this is not happening because i don't want to fall again with no one to catch me... my wings are broken...again...help me fly again and i hope someone will fly beside me...forever...

poem for Cerah

Charming lady with
Enticing voice and
Ravishing laugh
And not to mention a
Hot personality.

01 July 2009
Wednesday

poem for Enzo

Enticing voice
Not to mention witty, with
Zero pretentions that
Oh, everybody loves.

24 May 2009
Sunday